Sans tears…

Filed in Uncategorized Leave a comment

*This poem was written about 5 years ago. I found it rummaging thru my stuff and now I share it with you.

I’ve got no tears left to cry

Must leave it all behind

I hope it wasn’t me

The real reason you did this

I hope I never hurt you

and hope you never hurt me

But I don’t know what to do

If I’m left without you.

The coldness of this space

Starts setting in…

I don’t think I can love again…

Afraid it will cause me more pain…

You say I’m strong…

Coward!

Face life, look at it in the eyes, yell back and fight!

But don’t leave this rose to wilt and die!

I hope this was not the worst mistake

you’ve made in your life.

“If you love something, let it go,

if it comes back to you, it’s yours,

if it doesn’t, it never was”

You said you were confused

and that confused me.

You said you adored me,

you said you loved me,

then why are you doing this?

Why are you so afraid

if you say you love me now?

You’ll have to prove it again

I’ve got no trust left

and my heart is aching.

I don’t know what I would

do if you came back again…

Those are not butterflies…

Filed in Uncategorized Leave a comment

How do I tap into my core gut feeling and how do I recognize it and follow it? It seems to have worked wonders for me so far…

About love and other maladies…

Filed in Uncategorized Leave a comment

There’s a great song which lyrics go something like:

What is love?
Baby don’t hurt me…
Don’t hurt me…
No more…

It is like an unbalanced balance, both feelings of ecstasy and pain, love and hate, fear and bravery… And that unbalance never ever ever reaches a stable point… a middle… it’s constantly shifting from side to side, depending on which thoughts you willingly indulge into…

We’re so scared of loving, because it leaves us completely vulnerable: no defenses left, nothing, but your heart open, easily bruised… that IS scary… the thought of losing something so dear and happy… the thought of having no control over something so precious… the fickleness of it… No wonder love is compared to war… I wonder how many victims from love have gone unaccounted for…

And yet… a life devoid of love is such an empty life. It’s colorless, odorless, lifeless… there are no singing birds, no sounds of the soft pulse of the ocean… you just turn into a robot and get trapped into the routine believing that life is indeed eternal and there’s always going to be a tomorrow. Woa… how did I just go from love to complete and utterly depression… No clue.

But what else can I say? It’s like free falling without a parachute, being a beginner trapeze artist without a net or trying to roast a perfect cup of espresso without having knobs to turn on the coffee roasting machine to achieve that perfection…

Some will claim, and they have every right, that love is just a biological trap to procreate. Others will say it’s just an illusion or that love’s reality is subjective (Google erotomaniac.) I’m still trying to come up with words that make sense to describe rationally what love is… I’ll let you know once I find a way to connect my “irrational” heart to my “rational” brain and make sense of it all and/or if I every really find what “love” truly is. Jury’s still out.

However, no matter how crazy, unpredictable, uncontrollable, wonderful or excruciatingly painful love might be, it’s still better to the alternative of not feeling anything at all. I would rather feel alive, the blood pulsating in my veins, the rush, the blushing, everything, than going numb, hiding cowardly behind a shell, and then waking up one day, realizing you’re 50 years old, that life has passed you by and you truly didn’t enjoy it because you gave in to the fear and the comfort zone of routine, safety or settling for second best…

 

“Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds”

Filed in Love and relationships Leave a comment

“Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds.” William Shakespeare

“When we are in love, we no longer love anyone else.” Marcel Proust

Have you ever been crazy about someone who wasn’t available, or wasn’t good for you?
• Have you ever invested way too much time trying to teach someone to treat you right?
• Have you ever felt desperate for the affection of someone who sometimes treated you wonderfully,  and other times badly?

^ Attractions of depravation…

Here are some rules for identifying your attractions of inspiration:

• Are you inspired by partner’s (mostly) consistent caring and acceptance?
• Are you inspired by your partner’s goodness and decency?
• Is your love fueled by respect for the kind of person your partner is?
• Are you and your partner willing to do the hard work of healing the relationship’s areas of  weakness?

Most of us are wired to want the hard-to-get. People who devalue us make us want to convince them of our worth. These are our circuitries of deprivation. And, as compelling as they are, they rarely lead to happiness or lasting love.

But–and here’s the all-important part–most of us also have the hardwiring to desire people who inspire us, value us, and are available. Even if we have a hair-trigger attraction to negative relationships, that doesn’t mean we can’t be deeply attracted to inspiring ones! We’ve just never been taught how to distinguish between these attractions. Or that we can choose the healthier love, and then consciously cultivate its passion and sexual heat. Attractions of inspiration come with their own unique challenges. Whereas attractions of deprivation trigger fear of abandonment, attractions of inspiration trigger our fear of intimacy.

Article: Psychology Today – Attractions of Inspiration and Attractions of Deprivation

The Girl from Guatemala/La Niña de Guatemala

Filed in Poems 1 Comment

*Blogger’s note: I know I have to work on this poem. The Spanish original version has a musicality that is really difficult to grasp in the translation. If you have any suggestions, please leave a comment below ~’@

by José Martí

Under the shadow of a wing, this tale
on a flower I shall tell:
It was the girl from Guatemala
of love who fell.

The bouquets were made of iris,
trimmed in mignonettes
and jasmine; she was lain and buried
in a silk coffin.

… She gave him, the forgetful,
a scented pillow;
he came back married;
of love she died.

Carrying her on their shoulders
were bishops and ambassadors;
behind them the town,
as a crowd,
was all covered in blossoms.

… Wanting to see him, she
came out unto the balcony;
he came back with his wife;
of love she died.

Like a burning iron
the last kiss farewell,
it was her brow,
the brow I’ve most loved in my life!

To the river she went
late in the day,
the doctor brought her out dead,
they say of cold she passed away,
I know of love she died.

In the cold vault, there,
she was lain between two benches;
I kissed her frozen hand,
my lips grazed her white shoes.

Quiet, at dusk,
the gravedigger called;
I have never seen
the one who died of love!

—–

Por José Martí

Quiero, a la sombra de un ala,
contar este cuento en flor:
la niña de Guatemala,
la que se murió de amor.

Eran de lirios los ramos,
y las orlas de reseda
y de jazmín: la enterramos
en una caja de seda.

…Ella dio al desmemoriado
una almohadilla de olor:
él volvió, volvió casado:
ella se murió de amor.

Iban cargándola en andas
obispos y embajadores:
detrás iba el pueblo en tandas,
todo cargado de flores.

…Ella, por volverlo a ver,
salió a verlo al mirador:
él volvió con su mujer:
ella se murió de amor.

Como de bronce candente
al beso de despedida
era su frente, ¡la frente
que más he amado en mi vida!

…Se entró de tarde en el río,
la sacó muerta el doctor:
dicen que murió de frío:
yo sé que murió de amor.

Allí, en la bóveda helada,
la pusieron en dos bancos:
besé su mano afilada,
besé sus zapatos blancos.

Callado, al oscurecer,
me llamó el enterrador:
¡nunca más he vuelto a ver
a la que murió de amor!

Not the Twilight Zone

Filed in Uncategorized 1 Comment

DomoNation.com: Not the Twilight Zone by missreported

Like it? Create your own at DomoNation.com. It’s free and fun!

Nothing

Filed in Love and relationships | Poems | Random girl strikes again... Leave a comment

My heart is slowly breaking…
There’s nothing I could do
but try to keep holding on
to the faint light at the end of this tunnel…

My heart is slowly beating
one skip, every song
and tears just keep on coming
tonight is almost gone…

The sudden twilight reminds her
that there’s no one by her side
but her heart, slowly dying out
still clings to the window
reaching out into the vast empty sky…

Don’t tell me about love any more…
Don’t tell me how great I am…
Don’t tell me anything I would want to hear…
And then leave me clinging
to dear life from where I stand…

It’s been like a dream. I wonder if I’ll wake up…

Filed in Uncategorized Leave a comment

I still can’t believe I’m here. I think I might have not internalized completely that I’m far away from everything I once knew; of everything that made sense, the safety of the routine of life, the drama and the family that made life a pain in the ass but nonetheless interesting.

I can’t believe that I’ve literally left all of that behind and adventured into a completely different world. A world that I can finally call my own. A world that totally defied all of my expectations and thoughts of how it was going or was supposed to be.

I don’t know if I have deluded myself into thinking that it’ll truly be better, but I have a lot of confidence that it will and is already better.

I hear stories of people leaving the “Island”, Puerto Rico, and yet, returning back to it because they couldn’t find a job, or keep a job, they couldn’t (or wouldn’t) adjust to a different culture (which I will write more about later), or deal with the difference in climate, or miss the beach terribly (something that I have taken for granted)… I hear stories of deception, frustration, broken dreams… but I also hear so many other stories of triumph, of self discovery, of great things, of challenges and pushing yourself to the limits, climbing higher than you ever thought you could go… stories of hope.

I think sometimes we could be so jaded to everything or anything around us, lulled into sleep of life eternal by the routine, deceived by a perception of safety, and then simply give up on life, accepting it as “this is what it’s thrown at me and I’m just going to run with the punches.” I have a hard time giving up, though sometimes I say I will or should, mostly because one gets tired of always swimming upstream, against the current…

Softly love…

Filed in Poems Leave a comment

Gabrielle-Anwar as Mary Tudor

“Softly love and to love softly/dew on the sycamore branch/by the creaking gate/where my heart hurries afterwards/through the path of wheat along the briar/to that stone under which I lie…” – Poem from The Tudors, Season 2, that Princess Mary Tudor recites before she dies. Several posts on the Internet speculate that it was written by Michael Hirst, the creator of the show.

Winter is fast approaching…

Filed in Uncategorized Leave a comment

Who’s going to keep me warm when it’s cold outside? But who can even try to warm up a heart that’s been frozen for so long, protected under sheets of ice?

Winter always comes… followed by rebirth…

TOP